TracSupport: TNG_Seuss.txt

File TNG_Seuss.txt, 2.9 KB (added by ibaldin, 9 years ago)

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1Here's a the Dr. Suess version of Star Trek TNG:
2
3       
4        Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,
5        So, Data, please, how far? How far?
6       
7        Data: Our ship can get there very fast
8        But still the trip will last and last
9        We'll have two days til we arrive
10        But can the Indrans there survive?
11       
12        Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.
13       
14        LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline!
15       
16        Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
17        Please make it so, please make it so!
18       
19        Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
20        We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't
21        The danger here is far too great!
22       
23        Picard: But surely we must not be late!
24       
25        Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire.
26       
27        Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
28       
29        Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be?
30        Who lit the fire?
31       
32        Riker: Not me.
33       
34        Worf: Not me.
35       
36        Picard: Computer, how long til we die?
37       
38        Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
39       
40        Data: May I suggest a course to take?
41        We could, I think, quite safely make
42        Extinguishers from tractor beams
43        And stop the fire, or so it seems...
44       
45        Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
46        Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
47       
48        Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much.
49        You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
50       
51        Troi: We still must save the Indran planet --
52       
53        Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite...
54       
55        Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist.
56        We understand -- we get your gist.
57        But can we get our ship to go?
58        Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.
59       
60        Geordi: There's sabotage among the wires
61        And that's what started all the fires.
62       
63        Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
64        We need to go! We need to go!
65       
66        Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy
67        And lock him up and ask him why.
68       
69        Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental.
70        I say we give him problems dental.
71       
72        Troi: Are any Romulan ships around?
73        Have scanners said that they've been found?
74        Or is it Borg or some new threat
75        We haven't even heard of yet?
76        I sense no malice in this crew.
77        Now what are we supposed to do?
78       
79        Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
80        They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
81        I can't just sit and let them die!
82        A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!
83       
84        Picard: Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
85       
86        Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
87       
88        *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
89        HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
90       
91        Worf: The saboteur is in the brig.
92        He's very strong and very big.
93        I had my phaser set on stun --
94        A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
95        He would not budge, he would not fall,
96        He would not stun, no, not at all!
97        He changed into a stranger form
98        All soft and purple, round and warm.
99       
100        Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
101        Did you see this creature morph?
102       
103        Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly.
104        Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.
105       
106        Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend!
107        Our troubles now are at an end!
108       
109        Crusher: Now let's get our ship to fly
110        And orbit yonder Indran sky!
111               
112        Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
113       
114        Geordi: Yes, sir, we can.
115       
116        Picard: Then make it so!